TRUE LIFE: I'm a compulsive avoider.

I am not capable of doing homework anymore, physically or mentally.

I literally cannot write a paper before 3 am the night (morning?) before it is due.

I have a 15 page term paper due tomorrow that is worth 25% of my overall grade. (And a good grade is needed, as my attendance points are disgraceful.)

But I can't write it. I sit dumbly in front of the screen doing whatever I can to avoid writing the first few words. I spent 7 hours in the library today and came out with a half-assed 2 page outline that I won't end up using, an extensive knowledge of the Unabomber, and a new found love for Flight of the Conchords.

I now sit in front of my computer again, incapable of writing this stupid paper. No matter how many pep talks I give myself, it will not get written until the wee hours of the night. Being flustered, crabby, tired and rushed is not the key element to a term paper masterpiece. So why, subconsciously, do I force myself to wait until the last minute possible? It's not that I'm better under pressure, although this was the excuse I used to give myself. The girl who used to be known for her writing skills hasn't written a paper yet this year that she's been legitimately proud of. It's almost like I'm subconsciously punishing myself? You put zero effort into school and still get good grades. Now you're being forced to write this paper at 4 am to compensate? The feeling of panic is the only thing that remotely drives me to do anything, school-related.

I like writing ads, too. But that's a different story.

I blame my mom. Kidding. But I wish I had one iota of work ethic.

Tonight will be spent writing about the Man Law commercials from a postmodern, masculine gaze. Three small problems with this:
1. I do not have a masculine gaze.
2. I can see my own personal opinion regarding MANLAWS (UGHNN) giving this paper a slight bias.
3. I have a very very very vague understanding of postmodernity.

So this should go well.

On the bright side, this paper is the only thing I have to do before Christmas break and then a semester spent speaking Spanish and being happy.

And I am listening to my mom attempt to talk in an Irish accent on the phone, while drinking tea in my room full of twinkly lights.

song of the day: littlest things - lily allen